Standard Size (Just for fun)


I was sore vexed it has to be said.
My feet are too far away from my head.
My shoulders far too far apart
My chest oversized to house my heart

Shopping I had come then to despise
I couldn’t  find  clothes in my huge size
And the XL and XXL tags told me lies 
None of them fit an ogre my size

I had tried on different styles of jeans
The struggle to get them on is mean
And the fight to get them off obscene
Its been this way since I was just a teen

Shirts and jackets fair out worse
I pop them on and buttons burst 
When I stretch my arms I hear thread rip
And I cant unzip, I was losing my grip

Its not easy being monster size
Massive arse and ginormous thighs 
At six foot four and nineteen stone
I think I have just about stopped growing

But clothing was a heartbreak and a trial
I walked the shops with nary a smile
Until I met my new love Jenny Baker
Now she stitches my clothes. She’s a tent maker

© Dave Kavanagh @

2 thoughts on “Standard Size (Just for fun)

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